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Please try Yahoo Help Central if you need more assistance. I was standing on a dirt path in a Russian country village, holding my boyfriend Anton’s torn, bloodstained T-shirt. All that could be heard in the darkness was my friends and I shouting his name, and the thuds and grunts of Anton wrestling with another guy. Here was a guy protecting my honor, placing himself into bodily harm on my behalf. It was what I had dreamt of all those years when I read of dueling pistols and men of great action and few words.
After the punching finally stopped, Anton walked up to me shirtless and sweaty, caked with blood and dirt, his arms outstretched in an unmistakable gesture of victory. But what I mistook for a smile was actually a grimace. What were you doing talking to that guy? Did I tell you you could talk to him? Suddenly, I wished my women’s studies professor from Sarah Lawrence were there. Pistols at dawn seemed a ludicrous symbol of male egotism, and I longed for men in tailored suits, who solved arguments with Woody Allen jokes and New Yorker references. But then Anton hugged me, heat and sweat rising from his torso, his arms wrapped around me in a promise of eternal protection, inhaling me in that way men do to show they’re grateful that you’re safe.
I should preface this story by saying that I am Russian. In 2010, I moved back to Russia to teach English. The first thing that you’ll notice when you get to Russia is that the women are astoundingly beautiful and immaculately presented. These insurmountable standards of beauty can largely be credited to the fact that there are more women than men. 3:1 female:male ratio should be noted by anthropologists worldwide. Having grown up in New York, I had taken for granted that people were always striving for something, or at least striving to be striving for something.
The second thing you’ll notice is that Russian men are patriarchal alpha males, and, whatever your feminist textbook might have told you, this is initially a huge turn-on. Evolutionary theorists and Freudians alike would argue that women are subconsciously attracted to men who give off signs that they will provide for them. I don’t even necessarily mean in a monetary sense as much as in a paternal one. You do not meet a Russian man, you are chosen by one.
If you eat the salad, it is a sign that you would like him to come talk to you. If you don’t eat it the salad, it doesn’t matter, because you have been chosen and he will still come talk to you since your compliance in the whole matter is largely unnecessary. While all men like a challenge, the average American man tends to stop pursuit once you indicate that you are repulsed by his presence. Russians, on the other hand, aren’t going to let a little thing like your disinterest keep them from being your boyfriend. I’ve had male suitors who kept calling for years after I stopped picking up the phone.
I’ve heard of guys crawling through windows and appearing naked in bedrooms. Not surprisingly, the attitude toward rape in Russia is still depressingly medieval. However — and here’s where we have to be honest with ourselves and admit that the popularity of bodice-ripper romances and all the statistics about rape fantasies are not for nothing — with the right guy, a sensually brutish approach can be astoundingly hot. I heard my bedroom door creak. Moving through the darkness, he sat on the edge of my bed and stared at me for a few moments.
Would you like a glass of water? It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman wants a man who’s a gentleman at dinner and an animal in bed. Love in a Russian man is expressed in a type of tender savagery. So Russian men crush your body, not because they want to hurt you, but out of an excess of feeling. Russian men are quintessential gentlemen on first dates. Russians like to make occasions out of everyday rites, so men will make gestures to convey that going on a date with you is a special event in their lives.
More enticing than any of these old-fashioned gestures, however, is a Russian man’s body language. American guy, and after nothing but sterile conversation and hanging out for a few hours, he lunges at my face like a pre-pubescent. Russian men act like your boyfriend from the very beginning. They put their hand on the nape of your back as they gently lead you to the table. Which brings me to one of the best and worst things about dating a Russian man: his inherent sense of commitment. I often struggled to deconstruct to groups of confused Russian males.
